Comedy of errors, or...my morning.

October 15, 2008

A story.

First of all, I couldn't sleep for shit on Monday night. I was at Josh's and I frequently have trouble sleeping over there unless I take Tylenol PM at some point. But he doesn't like for me to take them for whatever reason, and he was going to bed pretty soon after I was, so I didn't. So I got perhaps an hour or two of sleep. I felt it all day yesterday but I still had to go to Target after work and get the CSI Season 8 DVD and sit through both commentaries (The one for Cockroaches actually has Billy Petersen! But it also has William Friedkin, who will not.shut.up. The commentary for You Kill Me with all the lab rats was A+, though) before I allowed myself to go to sleep.

So with that background, here's my story via email to my co-worker...

Okay, so...I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I didn't go to sleep for a while. I kept waking up. But I still hit the snooze like 3 times this morning. I checked my email for way too long and I couldn't find anything to wear, so I was already running late. I decided I wanted to wear my converses today and they were in the car, so I locked my apartment door and went to my car, in my socks, to look for my converses.

I only found one in the hell pit that is my backseat, so I closed the car door to go on the other side and open the other door to root around there. Only when I was in the backseat I kind of stepped on my keys and locked all the doors. so basically, my purse with my phone and my apartment keys are all in the car, I have only socks on, everything is locked, wtf. So I think about freaking out at this point. Basically the only thing I can do now is go across the street to the office and ask for a key.

Well, that isn't exactly a short walk, and I have no shoes on. So I look around and someone has some flip flops outside their door, so I steal them and walk to the office. Also, the fact that I'm now like a million minutes late to work and I'm freaking out and also something weird is going on with my stomach and it actually sounds like it's talking to me, this does not stop me from asking a chick what her dog's name is and then petting that dog. She said I made her dog's day, at least.

So anyway, I get to the office and I ask for a key, the chick asks for ID, and I'm like, wtf, I have NOTHING! So she asks for my license number and thankfully I know that. So she goes and MAKES a fucking key while I stand there like wtf. then I ask her if someone could possibly drive me back to my apartment and she's all, "uh, we're not allowed to have people in our car." which makes sense especially because I'm all sweaty and probably look like I've been up doing cocaine all night.

So I walk back to my apartment, return the shoes I stole, get my extra key for my car, look for my phone...I can't find my phone. I left my phone in my bathroom apparently, because isn't that where it goes? So then I call Mark (boss) and tell him and he's like uh what? And I know he probably thinks there's something terribly wrong with me and that I'm on whatever pills it was that he found in the trunk of my car when he was changing the tire.

And that's my morning. How was yours?

P.S. I told this story to my mom and she nearly pissed herself laughing.