I can't brain today, I've got the dumb

June 10, 2007

Hi. How's life?

Josh and I had a fun argument today. I know you're all, "Yeah, what's new?!" Yeah, tell me about it.

This is something I wrote 3 years ago that applies well to this situation:

I think that when we get a taste of something good, even for maybe moments at a time, we spend the rest of our lives chasing down that one good moment, while making ourselves miserable in the process.

We see something good in a person, so we know that person inherently has good qualities, but then that person disappoints you, but you've seen the good, so you don't give up on them. But while you're not giving up, you're having bad times because you're refusing to give up on the hope that that person (or situation) will once again become that person you saw that they could be.

Pretty much. Also:

I know I have it in me, and I know he has it in him, because I've seen it before. To me, it's almost worth being miserable right now because in the long run, I'll be happy. Now, will I be happy with him, I'd like to think so.. but I don't really know. But I do know that once I'm happy with myself, once I've finally figured out how to lose weight without jeopardizing myself, once I figure out how to come out of my loner shell and want to be with people and make friends, once I finally get enough confidence to get the career that I want up and running.. it will be different. I know this in my heart and my soul, and that's why I keep hanging on.

I wrote that about Matt but it definitely applies to Josh and I. I know it's not totally right to stay in a relationship you might not be completely satisfied by right now but you know it will get better in the future. I know this, and I choose not to do anything about it right now. Someday, probably when I get my house later this year, things will change. And I'm okay with that because right now, things are okay for what they are. I know this makes sense to some people, and to others it makes absolutely no sense at all. And again, I'm okay with that. Because it all happens for a reason. Or something...like that. I don't really get all relationship-talky in here much because he sometimes reads this, but we talked about all that today, so, whatevs. He knows it's out there, I know it's out there, and now you know, too.

We're going on the annual Vegas/Utah road trip in a few weeks and we've been fighting about that...he just doesn't seem to give a shit so I kinda want to go alone. But when I tell him I want to go alone, he suddenly does give a shit. So, whatever. We're going, and he's going to have a good time or...or...I'm gonna beat him up. Whee!

Whatevs. It all works itself out eventually, right? I'm just happy to be going to Vegas, even if it is only for about 24 hours or so. Vegas makes me ohsohappy and yet ohsosad at the same time. It's awesome, I tell you, awesome!

Speaking of Vegas, I saw Ocean's Thirteen today. I loved it even though it was totally ridiculous. I thought George Clooney and Brad Pitt were nice looking, and I thought Ellen Barkin looked really old, and I saw that Al Pacino has hazel eyes, and I drooled all over Vegas because damnit I love that fucking place. VEGAS, OKAY!!!??!!!

Things at work are totally off the charts. First of all, J quit. He gave his 2 weeks notice and they kind of made him leave before it was over. And I am sad. I don't have anyone to drag me to El Fenix to eat copious amounts of mexican food anymore, and that makes me kind of want to cry. BOOHOO!

There were a few other people quitting and getting fired and things are just kind of really going downhill. But I'm in no position to quit or really look for another job right now, so I'm going to hang on for a while, at least until I get my house. I have no idea what I'm going to do next. It'll be interesting.

Josh still has puppies aplenty for me to obsess over. There's one little one that likes to give me puppy kisses and bite my nose. Josh named her Willow, so because I am me, I call her Catherine Willows. Someday I hope to get over this weird childlike puppy obsession, but until then I will cuddle with them until Josh has to pry them out of my hands. Puppy love, represent!

Other things-
- I saw my Charlie this weekend. As usual he gave me a lovely morning wake up call full of love and happiness. I love my bubba.
- I hate Criss Angel. I thought he was totally hot until I heard him talk for the first time. Then I was like, "Oh, never mind." Then I captioned a few of his shows and realized how totally creepy and strange and, like, weird he is. I do not like him. And if he and Cameron Diaz really are dating, that's weird, because they look exactly alike.
- I DO NOT CARE ABOUT PARIS HILTON. PLEASE STOP TELLING ME ABOUT HER.
- I've written 7 chapters of my epic fanfic and it's totally awesome and lovely. I'm not doing well at all with the CSI detox but I figure when I'm gone in July I won't have any access to the obsession in question, so that'll be good for me.
- I love the Wonder Years.
- I miss my mommy.
- That is all.