The biological clock: not exactly a myth.

November 14, 2007

Hi.

So I'm failing Nano, and totally hardcore. I was doing okay until Friday, and then my computer got all freaked out and decided not to save the 4,000 words I had written. Bye bye, pretty words. And then I realized I didn't like my story near enough to finish it. That's fine. I'm not too broken up about it. I've written a lot of stuff this year, even if it hasn't been with my own original characters. That'll come next year. Or...something.

Also, I seem to have developed an appreciation for Seinfeld that I've never had before. Josh loves the show for some reason, and we watched 5 episodes in a row last night and it really, sincerely made me laugh. It wasn't funny to me 10 years ago. Maybe it's appealing now that I'm older. Whatever, it just feels strange to like this show. Dirty, somehow.

I haven't really written about, like, feelings and stuff lately, so let me take a stab at that. Weird, I know.

First of all, that whole biological clock thing? That fucking thing is real. Because I hear it, and I don't know what to do about it. Josh and I, we are not ready to get married. We don't even want to live together. But I have an urge to settle down and fire off some kids, and I don't want it to happen when I'm an old lady. I don't want to be 50 years old and chasing after 10 year olds. That doesn't sound appealing to me.

I feel like I'm missing some kind of window here. I'm 28 years old. My mom got married when she was 20, had my brother at 27 and me at 33. So I feel like I have maybe 5 good years left before things start to shut down for business. Is that strange? I don't think it's that strange, honestly. What I do think is that I'm not in any capacity ready to have kids, and so I'm not quite sure what to do about that.

Yeah, I know. It's one big bundle of confusion, but it's a reality for me. I like going to Josh's house every couple of days and then coming back to my own apartment, chilling out by myself and not having anything to worry about. But what is that? What's so great about not having any responsibility? I'm getting to the point where maybe some responsibility would be good for me.

Ahhh, the twenties. Gotta love 'em.

I'm going to my doctor tomorrow, the one who is always disappointed in me. That should be fun. I've been trying not to eat so much for the past couple of days just so my weight will be a tiny bit lower, but I know it's going to be a lot more than I think it is. I'm fat right now, guys. I can't deny that. I'm probably as fat as I've ever been. It would be good to do something about that. Bring on the Meridia, that's what I say. Oh, also, I'm hungry. I want to eat lots of food right about now. Eye on the prize, though.

I watched the Matrix for the first time yesterday. I didn't like it. Or maybe I didn't like captioning it. One of those.

I'm tired. I will most likely be writing in here tomorrow because tomorrow night is Jorja Fox's last episode of CSI. There will be a kiss, as seen in the promo, but it's a goddamn good-bye kiss, so I'm not that excited about it. I am sure, 100% sure that this episode will break my heart. I'm sure I'll cry. I'm kind of looking forward to seeing where this episode will go, and how it gets there. It should be interesting.

My brain hurts. Good night.