The usual, plus one-toothed whores at the gym

September 19, 2007

So I went to the gym today, as am I trying to do more often, and as soon as I step my big ass in there, the chick at the desk says, "Oh, are you expecting?!"

*sigh*

I thought it was bad when the sales chick at Lane Bryant asked me if I was pregnant. Um, I'm fat. Isn't that the point of why I'm shopping at the fat girl's store? Give me a break, woman!

And now, at the gym, to be asked by this woman who only seemed to have one tooth...gah...I mean, god damnit, I'm at the fucking gym because I look fucking pregnant, expletive expletive! I just don't fucking get people. I was kind of happy today because I felt that first wave of weight loss. You know, there's still sooo much left to lose, but you've lost a few pounds already and you're proud of yourself. And then this woman...I mean, damn...don't fucking ask a person unless you already know that they are! Isn't that fucking common sense? I really just don't like people. I don't.

I mean...today sort of sucked in general. Work is getting on my nerves, and a lot. It's always been clique-y, but now with so few people it's gotten really bad. When it comes down to it, I want to be these people's friend, and I'm just not. I'm good enough to take them to work when their car isn't working, but I'm not good enough for them to ask to come to lunch to talk about their latest crisis. I want to talk about crisis! I want to be confided in. Nobody confides in me anymore, and it's starting to get to me. I'm just...blah. Not happy right now.

I need a new job. I love what this job is, I love what I do. But I hate the politics and corporate bullshit. I hate the fact that the higher-ups really have no idea what we do all day and just kind of assume we're trained monkeys that can pull stuff out of our asses. I know this is a common complaint but...it's getting to me. Especially because I was supposed to get my annual raise in July, and I didn't. And I asked the other people who were supposed to get it if they got it, and they said yes, months ago. And so I talked to my boss, and he's been talking to people about it for a month now, and finally he tells me the Boss is aware of the situation, only now there's a 50/50 chance of getting it because the company is in such dire financial straits they can't even afford to give me a fucking 10% raise.

I need a new environment. I need new people to surround myself with. I need to start over. Now that I have a basic understanding of what it's all about, I won't be so eager to bond with people by talking shit about others. That was a huge mistake I've made at this job and I think that's a big reason why I'm not exactly considered a friend. I guess I'm just bad at relating to people, always have been...it's like on a daily basis, if I actually have a successful conversation with someone that doesn't end with them looking at me like I'm batshit crazy, then I'm happy. It's really frustrating and it's just getting to me more than usual.

I really am just not happy today. And this is usually my favorite time of the year. Next week I'm taking 2 days off of work. I'm going to watch the CSI premiere with my CSI friend (maybe, she's not really talking to me on myspace anymore since I said something she did was retarded but only after she said it was retarded...whatever) and then the next day my mommy is coming from Utah and she's bringing Tonto the wonder dog. Then in a few weeks is my birthday and that's always fun times. But...blah. That's all I can think about right now, blah.

And I have writer's block! There's a fanfic I've been wanting to write since I was in Utah in July and I can't even think of a single sentence to write, and more then that, I don't even want to write a single sentence. I don't know if it's because I've written so much fanfic in the past 6 months, or it's just because I'm in a shitty mood and I don't want to think about...I want to write it before the premiere, but it's just not coming out of me. Although my epic fanfic, Since I Met You, was nominated for a CSI fanfic award, so I am pretty excited about that.

Whatevs. In other news, I went to the farm this weekend and it was awesome as always. Charlie is my baby puppy and we all know that. On Saturday night, my dad fixed my second favorite homecooked meal, roast beef and mashed potatoes and yorkshire pudding and gravy and corn. I mean...yum. On Sunday I woke up and took a walk, and all of the dogs came with me. It made me really happy, actually, to be walking down a country road with a Golden Retriever, an Anatolian Shephard, and 3 mutts that are the awesomest mutts ever. This is including Licker, a stray that showed up and hasn't found a reason to leave yet. I love every single dog ever, and Licker was no exception. I bonded with her. I had get in my car on Sunday and leave before I picked her up and put her in the car with me. I love me some dogs.

Also, I'm totally enamored with Rescue Me, and apparently Denis Leary. I wasn't sure if I had a crush on him or not but I think it's safe to say that I do. I've seen all of season 4 but none of the rest of the seasons, so as soon as I get paid I'm gonna have me a Rescue Me watching party. I lurve it.

I guess that's all. I'm tired and watching Kid Nation. Good times.