Easter and such

April 08, 2007

Okay, some of you might be as obsessive as I am and know there are such things as "fanvids" that you can find on YouTube and other such places. I found a CSI video that had the song Don't Cry by your friends and mine GNR as the background. For some reason, this completely made my day. I am sad, sad person. And that is...okay.

Speaking of sad people, I talked to Natalie last night. She's not doing so well. Like, she can barely keep it together. It sucks so bad to see someone who was so completely into God and faith and had a billion friends and was always the happiest person I ever knew go through such a struggle. She was cussin' up a storm last night when I was talking to her, being all, "the fucking doctors don't what the hell is wrong with me and I'm just like, what the fuck is wrong?" And I was like...woah. This girl is going through something right now and it just kinda breaks my heart.

And add to that, I still have no idea where Ali-Kat is in this world, and I'm still too chicken to fucking call the girl's mom in Colorado to ask. I guess I figure if she wanted to talk to me, she would. It's been almost a year now, though, and that's just not cool. I worry about the lady.

Seeing that those two were my bestest friends and they both moved, I really don't have much of a social life at this point. I mean, obviously there's Josh and I spend a lot of time with him and that's good. But we don't always like to do the same things and I need to find a friend to come play with me when he doesn't want to, like just to see a movie with or eat retarded amounts of mexican food with. There's J at work, but we don't really hang out outside of work. And he just got a new boyfriend and is in that annoying "OMG I'm so in luv" stage.

I'm just not sure how to make friends anymore, now that I have no urge whatsoever to go back to the whole church thing. I just feel so...fake when I'm trying to socialize with my church friends. Like, they know what the whole God thing is about and I'm just pretending I know. Or something. It's a thing. I'll explain someday, maybe.

So anyway, today is Easter. Whee. Yesterday I went to my dad's farm where my mom and stepdad joined us. That happens, oh, once a year. And it probably won't happen again for some time since she's leaving forever in a month. You know, I've known for what, 3 or 4 years that she'll be leaving forever, and it keeps getting closer and closer, and I'm trying to make peace with it, and I'm just going to be sad. That's all. Sad. I'll see her perhaps 4 or 5 times a year. And that's just not good. It probably will be good when it comes down to it because I just need to grow the fuck up and become a big girl, which is hard to do when I'm always relying on mommy to fix things for me.

Anyway. I am not sounding 27 years old right now. But I will continue not to do so as I talk about my Charlie, my big puppylicisious puppy doggie. He's such a good boy. And he's the most loyal dog of all time. My mom kept him at her house for MAYBE 2 months, like, 6 years ago, and he not only remembers her but loves her like there's no tomorrow. I was sort of jealous over how much attention he was giving her and not me! Urm, anyway.

We all went to church this morning for shits and giggles. It was nice...church in East Texas is a little different. People want to know who the new people are. It was a nice little service but I really don't miss the whole church thing. Maybe someday it'll again come back around as a priority, but maybe not. Right now, apparently, my biggest priority is work. And then Josh. And then procrastinating losing weight because I really love me some food. Although I am taking meridia and that helps, as it usually does.

Um, it's really cold, but I guess we all knew that because for some reason it's cold everywhere. I think it even snowed a little bit yesterday. That's just not right.

I don't know why but I am sort of obsessed with the song "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera. I like it. A lot. I don't know why.

I am tired, and am now going to take a nap. Happy Easter and all that.

Also:

(By the way, I am going to write that Lady Heather fanfic, and none of you can stop me! Muahahaha! I even recorded a forensics show on Court TV to help me figure out an angle for the story! MUAHAHAHA! Anyway.)