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Working, decades of fat, and William Petersen

September 04, 2007

The thought recently occured to me that I have been fat for nearly a decade. And that is just really...awful.

I met Matt on Labor Day 1997. 10 years ago. We started dating about a month and a half later, and that's when I started eating. A lot. I mean, before I met him, I enjoyed eating but I tried to keep it contained at least somewhat, but Matt, he unlocked the inner food whore inside of me. He was quite overweight, by a couple hundred pounds, and he ate a lot of food. Well, for some reason I thought it would be awesome to try to eat as much as him, and after 5 years of that, well, I didn't look the same way I did when we started dating.

I wasn't ever skinny, really, but a few of my teenage years were spent at a decent, healthy weight. The pictures of me during those years are good pictures. I look good in them, I'm not ashamed of them. And now, the last 10 years of pictures, I cringe. Whenever someone takes a picture of me I know it'll have to be at the right angle or I will either beg them to delete it or cringe when I see the picture. It's not fun. And I'm really getting tired of it.

And 10 years? 10 years of feeling ashamed of the way I look? That is so hardcore wrong, in so many different ways. And yet the power's in my hands, and I just haven't done anything permanent to change it. I've lost the same 30-ish pounds every couple of years to always gain it back. And I know it's not healthy, and it's not pleasant to look at, and I hate it, and someday I just have to stop eating Whataburger for lunch after I had Papa John's for dinner the night before and move on with my damn life. I don't know if I ever will, but just knowing that this has been going on for 10 years...that has to make some kind of a difference to me. And if it doesn't, then I seriously need to rethink a few things about my life and the way I picture myself and my future. Fun, right?

Anyway...in more pleasant news, I went to Austin this weekend. My brother and his boyfriend were very accomodating and I had a lovely time. And my brother also paid for every single thing we did, which including getting pedicures, and I was just really extremely happy about that.

We went swimming! We had a mexican food extravaganza! We watched From the Earth to the Moon and cuddled with Dylan the Golden Retriever and Rogue the puppy Boxer! We went to the Alamo Drafthouse and watched a documentary called No End in Sight, which was fascinating and depressing, and I ordered the $5 Milkshake and some fresh baked cookies. Then on Sunday we went to brunch and I had french toast! (Gee, I wonder why I haven't lost any weight...) We got pedicures and I got my eyebrows waxed by a woman who didn't speak much English, but did say "baby?" while holding her hands to her stomach, which I took to mean that I will never wear that shirt ever again. It's been a while since anyone's asked if I was pregnant, so at least there's that. And then we did some other stuff and I went to Josh's, where I watched Young Guns 2 and cuddled with Mack, the puppy that until recently has stayed outside, but now he's the only puppy left so he's an inside dog. He's cute. I heart him.

On another tangent, I used to love Young Guns 2, like, a lot. I think that was mostly because of Christian Slater. He does look quite nice in that movie, by the way. And until 3 years ago when I started watching CSI, I had no idea who played Pat Garret, nor did I care. And I am sort of sad William Petersen was in that movie, because it's not exactly high quality. But he looked good in it. And I giggled every time he was in a scene, which really wasn't much.

To make things interesting, here's a picture of William Petersen from the movie:

And here's my favorite "DAMN HE'S HOT!" picture from CSI:

I really enjoy William Petersen in general. I think he's quite handsome, even if he does look quite different then he did in his younger years. I think he's a very convincing actor and I just love how he plays that whole "heartbroken" thing. Anyway, that was a total tangent and I apologize.

The point is (and I did have one once), I enjoyed my 3 day weekend a lot. I could have come to work on both Sunday and Monday and made some good overtime money, but it was really nice to have some time away from work and from my coworkers. I am the only one doing overtime today, but really, I am going to do overtime every day, at least an hour and a half, because the traffic at 5:30 makes me crazy. And doing an hour and a half a day adds nicely to the paycheck. Everybody wins!

I'm still trying to figure out my feelings on Denis Leary. I've worked on the past 4 episodes of Rescue Me and gotten myself all addicted to the show. I bought the first season and I'm eagerly anticipating its arrival. Whee!

A few minutes ago, one of my co-workers (the former nemesis, actually) came over and was all, "Whatcha doin'?" while I was writing this, and I was all, "Uh, writing in my journal!" Like a total dork. And she was all, "Oh, I thought you were writing fanfic!" That is what people in my office think I do all day, I guess! Which is not too far off. Kidding. I work hard. And write fanfic at the same time.

I obviously need to do some work now. Yay!

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