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The one where I get all nostalgic on your asses

October 27, 2007

First of all, to the Molz: I want! Me likey the layout! Me likey you! WANT! Okay.

So the awesome thing about having various D-land journals for the past 6 years is rediscovering some of the random journals I've left in my dust. And, oh my lord, this one is one for the record books.

I'm in full-time writing mode right now, so I took a look back at the first Nano story I wrote, which for some reason I called The Tangerine Rose. And I found my old "story" journal, and, well, yikes. Some of the grammar and spelling, like this sentence:

As Johnny was about to walk out of the studio, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life was coming in. They newarly avoided a collision, although Johnny wouldn't have minded one.

I'm sorry, WHAT? NEWARLY?! I believe I must have been going for "narrowly," which makes me sad. And I can't even blame that on youth, because I was at least 21 years old when I wrote it. *sighs*

Also, I apparently had a fondness for the name "Gabriel," because it's in every single one of my stories. A little originality would be nice, maybe.

An excerpt for your enjoyment:

Marissa was going to go up to Gabriel, flip her hair like she had seen in movies, and she would tell Gabriel that she had seen his movie and he was great in it. Katie knew Marissa had rehearsed this several thousand times, and she knew Gabriel would just laugh. She felt sorry for her best friend, but she knew it was time to learn what rejection was like.

That's...bad.

Just for shits and giggles, here's a little list of some of the diaries I've had in my 6 year run at this place...

1. My Reviews - I'm not up with the trends anymore, but a few years ago, D-land was all about the reviewing diaries. And so was I. I wanted to get my stupid diary reviewed all the stupid time. And in accordance with that, I had my very own reviewing site, where I used my excellent journal tastes to wield power on the helpless ones. And I loved doing it, too. It was an addiction for a while.

This is from the "about" page...
I'm kinda crazy. A little on the edge. I might even go psycho crazy on a moment's notice, who knows?! I like to read people's diaries. I like seeing into people's lives, like a pervy little voyuer. I'll tell you what I think about your diary. If you're of the younger set, you might want to go elsewhere. I'm 24 years old, and, chances are, about 10 years older than you. I'm not going to be nice. I'll give you the smack down if you deserve the smack down. And seriously? All you angsty teens out there might not like me because in general, I don't like you much. If you like to cut yourself with a sharp object and bleed like a stuck pig, great, that's your business. But I don't really like to read about that crap.

Oh...kay.

2. Poems.
Apparently I wanted everyone to bear witness to my frightening poetry. For example:

As he enters the confines of my divided mind
he closes the shades, opens the wine
my eyes are empty, my thoughts are dust
the trouble of lust
the world continues but time stands still
the vibration of my soul
I can no longer feel
heat has melted my weary mind
I give it over to him
he seems so kind
the cobwebs on his heart are so easily swept away
much to my dismay

That poem is called Clarice and was based on the audio book of Hannibal. I'm serious here, people.

3. My-erotica. Yes, I even have a journal for writing porn.

We moved rhythmically together, as one, in a state of bliss. He was in and out, in and out, and we rode each other until the sun came out the next day.

How...sweet?

4. Saitia, my entry for Nano 2003. It's sci-fi, and it's about vampires or something odd like that. One of the main character's name is...Gabriel. WTF with all the Gabriel? It's a lovely name, but...come on!

There was a common theme to my dreams. There was a boy. Isn�t there always? He always appeared from the shadows, and always took me by surprise. He would take my hand and lead me to elaborate castles where we were destined to live by each other�s side for all the years to come. But it never got that far. While it always seemed like Gabriel was my soul mate, he was always solely responsible for only one thing: making sure I did not become too powerful.

5. My story for Nano 2004. It was my second story about a chick in a rock and roll band, and I am not really what you would call "proud" of it. It's better than some of the crap I've written, but it's just not...good. This is from the total cop-out ending, where I decided I had reached 50,000 words and thus was done with the story.

Unfortunately, this is where the story ends for me. I went home and spent a comfortable New Years Eve with Joe, but that was not the end of our story. I wish I could say I did the right thing, but we all know that�s not how I do things. I wish I could say I made it through intact, but that would just be a little too optimistic. I wish I could say I took every advantage of the love that I received from the world, but things just don�t happen like that for me.

6. Here we have what I used to call my depression diary, when I wrote in when I was feeling particularly emo about things. I wrote a lot in this when I was living in Austin after the great break up of 2002. At least now, when I feel like I'm having a shitty day, I can look back on it and know that I am far away from ever being that depressed again.

Why am I doing this to myself? Why can I be strong enough to say what I really need to say which is "Please, I'm too tender for this, I'm too wounded for this. I'm still trying to get over the whole thing and you aren't really helping."

*cries*

I think that's all, but there may be others lurking in and around the world of D-land. I may be weirdly attached to LJ lately, but I will always have fond memories of this place.

And it's nice to have all these strange diaries floating around here. I was 21 years old when I started this, a junior in college. And now I'm 28 with somewhat of a professional job that I've had for almost 3 years. This place has been a home for all my random obsessions and emo tears and bouts of happiness and break ups and make ups and new boys and old boys, and it's just really nice to look back on.

Um, okay, now that I've scared everyone, I think that will be just fine for tonight. I'm going to read more of my reviews because they amuse me.

*waves*

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